Showing posts with label California. Show all posts
Showing posts with label California. Show all posts

Sunday, August 09, 2026

The Effectiveness of Crying with Trust in Distress (Matt 15:21-28) Homily for Proper 15A, Sunday 16 August 2026

  

 

[Note: This is the homily I wrote for Sunday 9 August 2026, but didn’t give because I’d misread the lectionary calendar.  I put a lot of work into it, so it was painful to have to put it aside in order to focus on the “proper” Proper. For this reason, and because I think there’s some good stuff in it,  I’m posting it here on my blog.]

 

 

In the Name of the () Parent, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

 

In today’s gospel reading from Matthew,

Jesus tries to dismiss a marginalized woman

who is pleading for help

for her mentally disabled daughter.

He even compares her to a dog stealing food

from its masters’ children. 

 

This doesn’t sound like the Jesus we know and love!

What on earth is going on here?

 

First, a bit of context for this story:

As Deacon Greg noted last week,

the execution of John the Baptist

must have hit Jesus pretty hard.

In the meantime, he’s mostly been hanging out

along the western shore of Sea of Galilee.

There he has carried out various miracles:

fed thousands of people from next to nothing,

walked on water,

and healed a lot of sick people in Gennesaret [Guh-nes- aret],

a nearby fishing village.

Most recently, he’s had a not-so-friendly visit

from the religious elite,

who sent a delegation from Jerusalem

to grill Jesus about Jewish dietary laws,

and Jesus has pretty much defied them.

 

So Jesus and his disciples leave the Galilee region

and travel northwest into the region of Tyre and Sidon,

in the Roman province of Syria.

This is a wealthy, mostly gentile region,

just outside the ancient Hebrew homelands,

where Jesus is preaching to and healing

disaffected, dispersed Jews,

whom he refers to as “the lost sheep of Israel”.

 

There he encounters a Canaanite woman;

we would call her “Palestinian”.

This Canaanite woman cries out

loudly and insistently to Jesus

for healing for her young daughter,

who has been “possessed” by a hostile spirit.

 

As someone who used to teach abnormal psychology,

I’d love to take you down a rabbit hole

about demon possession!

However: that’s not really the point here.

What is important

is that this woman’s young daughter

is in a very bad way,

and the woman is desperate to get help for her child.

I think all of us can relate to that!

 

So: what is front and center here

is the issue of marginality. 

“Marginality” is a current jargon term

for a person feeling pushed aside or disadvantaged,

based on their identity,

that is, who they are.

Marginality is a huge issue in Jesus’s ministry.

 

Here’s how I see marginality

playing out in today’s gospel reading:

• On the one hand, the Canaanite woman

 is multiply-marginalized within a Jewish frame:

• First, as gentile, that is, non-Jewish, person;

• Second, as a woman in a patriarchical society;

• Third, as a member of a colonized population under Roman occupation;

• And fourth, as the parent of a demon-possessed child.

 

• And on the other hand: Jesus and his disciples

are themselves also marginalized in this story:

They are in marginal space,

outside their personal home territory of Galilee

and their cultural/religious realm of Israel and Judaism. Furthermore, the religious elite of their home territory

is doing its best to marginalize them further,

a process that’s going to lead to crucifixion and persecution,

an extreme form marginalization!

 

With this context, let’s go back to the story:

I recently learned that my humanistic therapy friend,

Jef Cornelius-White,

is working on a new translation of the New Testament,

which he calls Listening with Love.

Jef thinks that the word “trust”

is generally a better translation than “faith”

for the Greek word pistis.

And our son Kenneth (who has a PhD in classics)

reminds me that the Greek pistis

is more commonly used

in a very concrete, legal/financial way

to talk about a pledge or collateral

in a legal or business deal. 

 

But what collateral does the Canaanite woman have to offer? 

Not too much you might think.

But what she lacks in capital

she makes up for with her great distress

which she shares

with sincerity, intensity and persistence.

 

Thus:

            • She cries out, shouting to make herself heard;

• She comes to Jesus as a mother

whose child is tormented, utterly miserable,

and in danger is being totally shunned

or even killed;

• Her loudness and persistence

drive the disciples crazy,

so they beg Jesus to ger rid of her;

• And when Jesus refuses to talk to her,

This Canaanite woman comes right up to him,

bowing in complete submission,

face to the ground,

like a dog licking its master’s feet,

and implores him for help.

 

My friend Jef calls this:

CRYING OUT WITH TRUST IN DISTRESS

I’m going to call it:

THE KIND OF TRUST WHOSE SINCERITY IS BORN FROM PAIN.

This means that she comes to Jesus

at her lowest point, hoping against hope,

basically saying, “Help me, Lord Jesus!

You are my only hope!”

That’s the kind of trust/faith/pistis

we are talking about here.

 

                        *                                  *                                  *

But Jesus is not quite convinced yet

And tests her with his controversial metaphor

telling her, again in Jef’s translation:

“It is not morally good to take the children’s bread

and throw it to the little dogs.” 

This certainly sounds and looks like racism.

In fact, the settlers in today’s West Bank of Israel

would probably agree with this description

of today’s Palestinian descendants of the Canaanite woman;

in fact, they might even use it

to justify the acts of violence of they are even now

carrying out against the Palestinians who live there. 

 

So what’s going on here?

What are we to make this “unchristian” treatment

of a marginalized person?

It all seems a bit rich,

especially given that Jesus and his disciples

are themselves marginalized strangers in Roman Syria.

 

[PAUSE]

But let’s take a deeper look…

There is something important happening here,

which will change the course of human history. 

Because Jesus does engage with the Canaanite woman,

allowing her to assert herself,

on behalf of all of us fellow gentiles:

 

• First, notice that Jesus doesn’t call her –

and by extension, us -- “dogs”;

no, he uses a friendly diminutive:

little dogs (kynari-ios).

In the Bible, dogs are almost always described negatively: unclean, out of control, violent, greedy, lazy etc.

No, he’s not talking about the unruly, feral dogs

that run through the streets at night;

instead, he means puppies or little house dogs:

cute, friendly, nonthreatening, part of the family!

 

• Second, he practically hands the answer to her, saying

It is not morally good to take the children’s bread

and throw it to the little dogs.”

Because the answer is obvious, and she replies,

Indeed, Divine Master!

And yet the little dogs eat from the crumbs

fallen from their master’s table.”

In effect, he gives her an opportunity:

to assert that there is enough grace

for all of “God’s doggies,”

including her, her daughter… and us.

 

So this is the story of how Jesus made explicit

the process of opening up God’s grace

from the sheep of Israel (lost or otherwise)

to all of us “little dogs”. 

And if we look carefully, we can see,

here in Matthew and in the Old Testament lesson for today

(and elsewhere in the Bible),

that this process of opening up the kingdom of God

has implicitly already been under way:

• Immediately before this story in Matthew 15,

via the argument about Jewish dietary laws;

• And in the Genesis story of the reconciliation of Joseph and his brothers.

 

This knitting together of people, reconciling

across lines of cultural and spiritual division and marginality,

has also been implicit from early in Jesus’ ministry,

for example in the Beatitudes.

 

In fact, 350 years after Jesus’ time,

Saint John Chrysostom [Cris-ah-stom]

picked up this same text

and referred to it in the Prayer of Humble Access,

which my partner Diane calls “the crumbs prayer”.

 

This prayer has gone a bit out of fashion

in contemporary Christianity,

but the following lines

are still burned into my heart

from years of morning prayer services at this very church: 

We are not worthy so much as to gather up
the crumbs under your table;
but you are the same Lord
whose character is always to have mercy.
Grant us, therefore, gracious Lord, [and so on…]

I think that we are all little dogs,

marginalized in different ways:

• The lonely and desperate;

• The elderly and the young;

• Immigrants, ethnic minorities and unhoused persons;

• Conservative and working class people

who feel looked down upon and judged

by cultural elites;

• Liberal and progressive people

who feel marginalized in a country

they increasingly don’t recognize.

• And all kinds of poor and middle class folks

who are struggling to make ends meet

while rich folks get ever richer.

 

Yes, there is plenty of marginality to go around,

especially during times of rapid social change,

and none of us likes being treated

as less worthy or important.

 

A feature of St. John’s Lodi being a “purple congregation”

During a period of rapid social and political change

is that all of us can feel marginalized at times.

Our congregation is dismissed

by our local evangelical siblings

as “too liberal” or “the gay church”

– when we know ourselves

to be so much more than that.

 

But in today’s gospel, I hear God laying out

one of key roads to deeper faith:

Crying out with Trust in Distress,

The kind of trust whose sincerity is born from pain,

Which the Canaanite mother brings

on behalf of her daughter.

Through this, we come to and are able to admit

to our deepest truth, to the thing that hurts the most,

our core pain,

and to know what that pain needs,

which is for God to see us at our lowest point,

and to offer us

at least a few “crumbs” of their love.

 

And to this, Jesus says:

“O woman! Such great trust of yours

in God’s help to those in distress!

Let your wish be granted.”

 

Such is God’s grace:

That, like the Canaanite woman,

we come for the crumbs

but are constantly surprised

by the feast of God’s love

in communion

and community.

 

[PAUSE]

 

Let this be so for us!  Amen!

 

Peter Tries to Walk on Water: Homily for Proper 14A (Track 1), Sunday 9 August 2026

  

 

[Note: This is the text for my first official homily (=sermon) as lay preacher in the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin. I gave it at St John the Baptist Episcopal Church, Lodi, California. If you want to see the video of it, you find it at time codes 32:00 – 44:00 in the YouTube Video for the service:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR1CaLjhdpI

As the text reveals, this was not the homily I originally wrote for this occasion, because I got the dates on the lectionary mixed up. I will separately post the text of that undelivered homily, for Proper 15A, Sunday 16 August, on this blog.]

 

 

In the Name of the (†) Parent, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

 

I have confession to make:

When I volunteered six weeks ago to give the sermon today, I misread the lectionary calendar and have spent the past two weeks preparing and polishing a homily on the text for next Sunday, Proper 15, the story of Jesus and the Canaanite woman whose daughter was possessed by a demon. In that homily, I had a lot to say about faith, or trust, and about marginality and the widening of Jesus’ ministry to encompass not just the Jewish people but all of us.

 

Then, about 6 o’clock last night, I downloaded the bulletin for today service, saw the cute little picture on the cover of Jesus striding over the waves and realized, with a “sinking” feeling, that we are actually on Proper 14!

 

I think this must be like the preacher’s equivalent of one of those humiliating, recurrent nightmares that teachers have in which you get up to give an important lecture, only to discover that you are wearing your pyjamas, and that your slides contain nothing but gibberish!

 

In that moment, as I descended from the pride about what I’d so carefully crafted, and started to cycle between shame and panic, I was struck by a sense of a strong resonance between today’s Gospel and what I was experiencing. In particular, it seemed that I was feeling something of what Peter must have gone through in this story. So what I’m going to try to do here is to spell out that resonance.

 

Last Sunday Deacon Greg talked about the feeding of the 5000: At that point, earlier in Matthew Chapter 14, Jesus appears to be grieving the death of his cousin John the Baptist; nevertheless, he has compassion on the crowd of folks who had been following him and his disciples along the shore of the Sea of Galilee. He talks to the crowd and cures the sick, then, miraculously, feeds the thousands of men, women and children who gathered there on the shore.

 

Today’s Gospel picks up the story as Jesus sends the disciples on ahead of him, out in a little boat to cross over to the western shore of Sea of Galilee, so Jesus can finally have some peace and quiet, possibly to contemplate his cousin’s death.

 

However, things have not gone well for the disciples: It has been a very long night: A wind has come up, and for most of the night it has blown the little boat off course, further and further out into the lake in the midst of the rough, choppy water. Obviously, the disciples are not happy about this! Maybe the rough weather will cause the boat to capsize or even sink! 

 

Or: in my case, maybe my whole career as a lay preacher will sink before it can even begin!

 

The original Greek actually says it’s the “fourth watch” of the night, which means sometime between 3am and 6am.  Let’s assume that it’s before dawn, still dark, and the disciples are exhausted and scared. They probably say to each other, “If only Jesus were here!  He’d know what to do! He’d save the day!” And then, in the pre-dawn gloom, they see an indistinct figure wandering back and forth over the water. Naturally, this terrifies them even more, because they think it’s a phantasma, that is, a ghost, an illusion or a hallucination. Now they are completely freaking out: Not only are they all going to drown, but they are also going crazy!

 

In many ways, this apparition of Jesus foreshadows the puzzling post-resurrection appearances of Jesus. In any case, they experience Jesus calming them and telling them, “Take courage; it’s me; don’t be afraid!” This works.

 

However: As usual, Peter wants to be special: better than the other disciples, so he asks Jesus to help him also walk on the water. Jesus replies, telling Peter to just come to him, which Peter starts to do.

 

I can identify with Peter: I wanted to be special and have my first homily be a special also. I wanted to “walk on water”: to do it flawlessly and without mistakes. I told all my friends about doing my first homily and told them I’d send them the link to the video.

 

The ancient Greeks had a special word for this: hubris: that is, acting out of extreme pride. This is the kind of pride that the Book of Proverbs is talking about when it says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”  In other words, this kind of pride leads to its opposite: humiliation.

 

In Peter’s case, he starts walking toward Jesus. He is doing fine until he notices the strong wind, freaks out, and starts to sink into the water, crying out for help (again!). Jesus reaches out his hand and catches Peter, saying, in the translation we are using, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

 

My humanistic psychotherapy friend, Jef Cornelius-White, is working on a new translation of the New Testament, entitled Listening with Love. He argues that previous translations of the Bible were all done by people who already thought they knew what the Bible said. In his translation, Jef is trying to capture what the text meant to the people living it at the time. He argues that the Greek word pistis, which is usually translated as “faith” actually meant something more like what we mean by “trust.” Also, the Greek for “little faith” is probably better translated as a “small amount of trust.” In other words, Jesus is challenging Peter for not trusting him enough.

 

So: I was doing doing fine with my homily for next Sunday, until I noticed that I had the wrong readings. My first thought was, maybe I can somehow fix this and keep my original homily that I’d put so much work into. I’m an oldest child of a large family; part of the privilege that goes with me being an oldest is that more than my siblings I get to construct the reality I live in.

 

But then I realized that (a) I don’t have the power to change the lectionary and (b) the bulletin was already printed. At that point I started to sink: I realized that I couldn’t explain or pretend or finesse my way out of this. I was going to have to swallow my pride. (Yuck, pride doesn’t taste very good!)

 

No, like Peter, I was just going to have to own the problem: “Lord, save me!” I was going to have to do the best with the time I’ve got: Sink or Swim. Pray for inspiration.  Listen to the Holy Spirit. Ask Kenneth to help me with the Greek (thanks, Kenneth!). Ask Reverend Betsy, myself, and all of you for forgiveness for not being able to give this homily the time it deserves.

 

The weird thing is, the central stories for the two Sundays I mixed up -- Proper 14 (Peter trying to walk on water but instead starting to sink beneath the waves) and Proper 15 (the Canaanite woman pleading with Jesus for healing for her demon-possessed daughter) -- are like mirror images of each other: Jesus commends the Canaanite woman for the crying out with “trust in distress”… and he criticizes Peter for trying to claim a trust he does not yet feel or cannot yet truly act on.

 

The other readings for today also resonate with this theme of the saving value of trusting God: In Genesis, Reuben persuades his other brothers to spare Joseph from the pit, ultimately saving the lives all the brothers in a later time of famine. And in the Epistle reading from Romans, Paul writes: “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

 

Here are some of the lessons I’ve been able to take from this whole experience, for me,.. and maybe the rest of us:

• To begin with: Always check the lectionary calendar twice to make sure you’ve got the right readings.

And also:

• Let’s not expect ourselves to walk on water, at least without help. 

• In the meantime, have faith, trust God, and grab onto something that floats.

• Be patient, wait in the trust that the wind will die down, the waves will calm, and the sky will lighten up a bit.

• When we’re ready, let’s start swimming for shore, figuratively or literally. 

 

At this point, in my mind’s eye, in the distance, I can just make out Gennesaret on the western shore of the Sea of Galilee. There are more adventures waiting there: people to be healed, Pharisees and scribes to be debated with, and in next week’s Gospel lesson a Canaanite woman desperate for healing for her demon-possessed daughter. And we get to do this sort of thing, together with our teachers and mentors, our friends, family members, and fellow St. John folks.

 

One of the things I learned from the lay preaching class I did last year with Canon Anna is that it’s important to have a strong finish to a homily. However, it’s often difficult to figure how to do that, especially under time pressure.  In this case, it was my son Kenneth who came up with the seed for the key take-home lesson here:

Faith (or Trust) may not be enough by itself for us to walk on water, but if we work at it, it can probably keep us afloat.

 

May this be so for us!  Amen!

Tuesday, July 29, 2025

Bubbles All the Way Up and Down: A Dream

 [Note: This poem, inspired by Gene Gendlin’s approach to Focusing-oriented dreamwork, is a follow-up piece to “Postscript”, which I posted here last November. It was drafted shortly after that piece, but for various reasons I put it aside at the time and have dipped back into it several times, letting it sit with me, incomplete. Recently it occurred to me that (a) “Postscript”, (b) this poem, and (c) “Seventy-five” (which I posted here in June) combine to form an emotional sequence, with this piece connecting the other two. Together, I see them as marking a “time of turning” in my life.  If you want to read them in sequence, you can do so by following the links at the end of the poem. -Robert]


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1  A Dream of Fragility

 

Another night, another dream:

 

I’m running a training session,

A small group, about ten people,

In someone’s house, just as we did

In the old days of the approach.

 

And somehow I’m outside

By a busy road

Speaking into a wireless microphone,

With the signal breaking up,

So I don’t know if the people

In the training can hear me.

And then of course my phone rings.

 

So I go to a brief break in the training;

And answer the phone.

You are there, after 50 years,

Phoning at this precise moment

To make contact.

 

I tell you I can’t talk now:

I’m about to do a live demonstration:

A short session in front of all these people,

Which I always begin

By publicly imagining a bubble

Around myself and my volunteer client.

This protects the two of us

From judgement or distraction.

While the audience watches to learn.

 

It’s a good excuse.

But the truth is,

I’m surprised to find in myself

A fragility I didn’t know I had,

As if your phone call

Was the foreshock to an earthquake

Revealing a previously unknown

Fault line in my world.

 

Then phoning you back

Once the live demonstration

And the rest of the training session are done,

I feel my body begin ease

At the sound of your voice:

You are OK, it sounds like.

 

I’ve been so worried about you,

As if I couldn’t afford right now

To lose another foundational

Person in my life.

(Philip and Margaret are both dead.)

 

Then my alarm goes off,

Insistently beeping in the gathered dark,

And the dream of you vanishes

Like the soap bubble

Wish fulfilment dream

That it was.

 

Yet I’m left with:

You are still out there in the dark.

I know where you are,

But I do not know how you are

Or even who you are now.

 

And I don’t even know if this dream

Was about your fragility or mine,

Or even how to tell the difference.




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2  Associations: Professional and Personal Bubbles

 

Where this dream of fragility takes me:

 

As a therapist, I’ve long focused

On other people’s fragility:

Anybody’s fragility…

As long as it’s not my own.

The therapeutic bubble,

Well boundaried and one-sided.

 

But this has always been an illusion,

An avoidance of my own fragility,

Another soap bubble fantasy

Of solidity and safety.

 

This makes me wonder about

All the different bubbles

That buoy my life,

Like a fragile raft

In the middle of large ocean,

 

My life like a brief bubble

In the sea of time,

Mostly spent

On all manner of things

Significant and insignificant.

 

The fragile feeling says:

Now there is far less

Of that life remaining

Than what has already passed;

I’m mostly done.

 

Of course, I pretend this is not the case,

I ignore the truth

That compared to most humans

Who have ever lived

I am on borrowed time,

Beyond my span.

 

I let myself forget

That my life is a debt

That can – and will –

be called in at any time.

 

My little life is like

An aneurysm about to burst,

A blood bubble in my brain,

A fragility on which

My continued existence depends.

 

Many questions bubble up in me,

Have I done enough?

Have I made a difference?

Have I lived a worthy life?

Does anyone care?

Will anyone remember me?

Does that matter?

  



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3  Carrying Forward: The Song of the Bubbles

 

I don’t know how

To answer these questions.

They leave me speechless

And empty-handed.

So I wait. And I wait.

 

And this is what comes:

 

All I know is to go with the bubbles,

To dance to the song of the bubbles.

 

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble,

We are all bubbles,

Our little lives and loves.

Bubble after bubble:

Bubbles emerging from

Geothermal vents

At the bottom of the ocean.

It’s bubbles all the way

Up and down.

 

Soap bubbles and soup bubbles;

Financial bubbles propelled by excitement or greed;

Bubble tea: floating tapioca beads,

The fad its own kind of bubble.

We are all bubbles,

Our little lives and loves,

Bubbles all the way

Up and down.

 

Speech bubbles evaporating

Into the next frame of my life.

Hope bubbles bursting into despair

Like broken blisters.

Despair bubbles bursting into hope,

Like geodesic domes on the moon.

Our little lives and loves,

We are all bubbles,

Bubbles all the way

Up and down.

 

My life bubble surrounded by the time

before my birth and beyond my death;

Quantum foam, constantly flickering in and out of existence,

No solidity anywhere, afloat and adrift.

We are all bubbles

In time and space,

Our little lives and loves;

Bubbles all the way

Up and down.

 


 

 

                                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 -Pleasanton, Oct 2024 (revised,  Lodi, July 2025)

-Images generated by AI using Adobe Firefly Image 4, using selected verses as prompts.

-The whole sequence in order can be read by following these links (paradoxically, the first poem is called "Postscript"):
1. Postscript: https://pe-eft.blogspot.com/2024/11/postscript-2024.html
2. This poem: Bubbles All the Way Down & Up: https://pe-eft.blogspot.com/2025/07/bubbles-all-way-up-and-down-dream.html
3. Seventy-Five: Questions and Answers: https://pe-eft.blogspot.com/2025/06/seventy-five-questions-and-answers.html

 

Tuesday, June 03, 2025

Seventy-Five: Questions and Answers

 [I wrote this poem to mark my 75th birthday a couple of days ago. If you prefer, here is a link to a video of me reading it: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/zxk8cfmeyhh6oehky9kl8/20250531_220555000_iOS.MOV?rlkey=ffbj59vwahqro27akepito3n9&dl=0] 

 

1  Memento Mori [Often translated as: "Remember you must die"]

 

I’ve already written so much about my life

And my manner of  dealing with my eventual death --

Ignore? Delay? Bargain? Face?  --

That as this milestone approached I thought

I’d nothing more to say… Wrong!

Death is eternal. It’s always with us.

 

Looking back, I see I’ve pulled a Jedi mind trick

On myself:

I’ve imagined my death, to get me to live:

To do good, to make a better world.

To touch and be touched by the lives of others,

To leave a legacy of inspiration and connection.

 

I’ve defined myself by this contest with death,

Racing through life to accomplish enough:

As if by running fast enough

I could outrun my end,

Make an end run,

Like going to warp-speed in Star Trek.

 

As if by being good enough:

Faithful, sinless, self-sacrificing,

I could out-saint my ceasing.

 

As if by believing hard enough:

in something else -- eternal life?,

God?, the Eschaton? Some Grand Simulation

Of all of us? – I could out-believe

My inevitable end.

 

But all of this now seems silly,

Vanity, and chasing after wind: 

As if the point was to make

An impressive performance,

To convince me and you.

 

 


2  Vita plena ["Full Life"]

 

Now, as I reach three-quarters of a century

I find this life-long strategy has broken down:

Oddly, I no longer feel so afraid

Of my own and others’ deaths.

This puzzles me:

Where has my lifetime of anxiety gone?

 

Am I now finally inured to my fear of death?

Have I rubbed it down to numbness,

Even worn it out? Has my fear of nothingness

Finally come to nothing? 

Am I even the same person that I was

When I first began my career of fear?

 

Perhaps it’s all that I’ve accomplished

In my own, one life: Articles, books,

Scouting the frontiers of psychotherapy research

The science-y fiction of imagining a new

Kind of therapy, new ways of helping,

Or better: old ways made new, returning

To the lasting ways of seeing, doing,

And being with each other.

 

Or perhaps it’s family: The amazing family

From which I’ve sprung; strong, stubborn,

Visionary, inspiring both me and others

To see farther, to craft better.

Treasuring my siblings, each exemplary

In their own way. Together, we’ve seen

Our parents through their dying, filling

These shared memories with meaning.

 

And the amazing family Diane and I

Have grown up with:

We growing ourselves as parents,

As our two sons grew themselves to adults,

And our grandchildren now grow themselves

Into young adults.

 

Truly it has been a life full of incident,

As if to say:

I wasn’t just sitting around, you know!

Maybe the specifics of what happened are not

As important now as they once seemed:

Who did what to whom, and why?

But I do know that it’s been a life full,

Rich and intense, like a fine glass

Of petite sirah wine.

 

 

 

3  Quid Nunc? ["What now?"]

 

All this now leaves me with more questions:

How will I keep myself motivated to work

So hard, if the stakes are not life or death?

 

As two new-old friends we saw yesterday

Asked us: What is next for you?

What is important for you now?

 

I think what they meant was:

How will you use your remaining time

Between now and your death?

And are those projects that have occupied you for so long:

The psychotherapy and research writing,

The organizational work

(Let Emotion-Focused Therapy thrive!),

The training and supervision, and yes, even

The bits of therapeutic work.  Do you

Really want to continue doing these things

Indefinitely, until you fall over?

 

I wasn’t happy with my answer then,

Nor am I satisfied now: A book project?

To develop my poetry? Science fiction?

Spending more time with our grandkids.

Protesting against autocracy.

All worthy goals but maybe not the point.

 

I told them: This is the very question

I’m struggling with in this poem:

I’m working on it!

And then our time ran out.

 

What I do know is that these are important questions,

Questions worth asking, even if good enough

Answers have not yet arrived, or possible.

 

So I sat and savored this conversation, rich

And intense, like a glass of petite sirah,

And the inkling of some answers came into focus:

 


 

4  Responsio ["Answer"]

 

If I’m honest, I’m sure what’s

Taken the sting from death is this:

A deep sense that we’re all connected,

Each to each, more deeply than we can ever say.

You live in me, and I live in you:

Past, present, future,

Quantumly entangled.

 

Difference, privilege, marginality, imposing

Our will on unwilling others:  All of these

Are vanity, and chasing after wind.

 

Instead, it’s kindness I seek.

The true JEDI mind trick

Is justice, equity, diversity and inclusion.

To look for greater connection to each other,

to make our shared joy more,

And the pain we cause less?

 

This is worth living for,

Even after three quarters of a century.

 

                

-Robert Elliott; Lodi, California; 31 May 2025