Sunday, May 27, 2007

Ken Howard Dream

Entry for 27 May 2007:

This morning, before waking (after the Sun came up at 4:45), Ken Howard came to me in a dream. I have just given one of my ambitious, quick overview presentations at a conference, like the one I did a couple of weeks ago at the BACP research conference, and Ken comes up to me to give me some feedback: He says that he has found that I am more effective when I do very simple presentations, and that the one I have just given was hard to follow because I have tried to do too much. I realize that if Ken is having trouble following it, then I am in trouble, because it he is really sharp. I protest that it would have taken twice as long to make the talk simple, but this seems a bit feeble as an excuse. Then I wake up.

Emotion scheme analysis:
I. Emotion scheme nucleus (felt emotion): Embarrassment, frustration,

II. Perceptual-memory elements (also: intentionality; associations):
-Sensations: Conference venue; moving from chair environment to open lobby-type space; I don’t get a clear visual image of Ken, but I somehow knows him.
-Current life situation: I keep getting asked to do major addresses, such as keynotes, at conferences; these presentations tend to be long & complicated, quick overviews of big areas.
-Associations/references: How long has Ken been dead now? He died in October 2000, more that 6 1/2 years ago. It doesn’t seem that long. I had a dream in which Hans Strupp came to me in a dream last October shortly after he died. These are important scientific icons for me, but they were both people who I respected and liked as friends and colleagues.
III. Bodily/expressive elements:
-Likely facial expression: I imagine a rueful smile and slightly whiny tone of voice.
-Bodily sensations: I feel smaller, like I’m shrinking down or hunching over.
IV. Cognitive/symbolic elements (e.g., metaphors, propositions, identities)
-Propositions: I’m not as good as I want to believe about myself. I always try to cover too much. I’m the flavor of the month; soon they’ll get tired of hearing me say the same thing over and over.
-Metaphors: ??
-Identity: Fake
-Action tendency/wish (also lessons, directions for action):
-BodilyAction/Action tendency: To defend myself against a perceived criticism; to leave, go away by myself.
-Wish/fear: To gain Ken’s respect and praise by doing better in the future; afraid I won’t have time to do a good job in the future.

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